Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child
1 The Decision to Adopt
Why Do Families Adopt?
Why Do I Want to Adopt?
Who Are the Children Available?
Do I Have What It Takes?
What Kind of Support Will I Have?
2 Getting Started
How Many Children Do I Want to Adopt?
What Age Child Do I Want?
Do I Want to Adopt Across Racial or Ethnic Lines?
What Disabilities Am I Comfortable With?
Domestic or International?
Can I Afford All the Potential Costs?
Finding Your Child in the United States
Adopting Internationally
The Referral
3 Surviving the Wait
Losing a Referral
Preparing for Your Child
Preparing Siblings
Language and Culture
Preparing the Child
Now What?
Traveling to Get Your Child
Pre-placement Visits
The Initial Meeting
4 The Family in Shock
The Honeymoon
Your Adjustment
Getting a New Sibling
There’s No Place Like Home?
Helping Your Child Bond
By Any Other Name?
“What If I Don’t Love My Child?”
5 Settling In
Sleep Adjustments
Eating Difficulties
Toileting Problems
6 Grief and Change
The Stages of Grief
The Behavior of Grieving
Taking the Lead
Anniversary Reactions
Holidays
7 Behavior and Discipline
Marshaling the Forces
Trauma’s Role in Behavior
Common Behaviors and Possible Solutions
“You’re Not My Real Mom!”
“I’m Going Crazy!”
8 Birthfamilies and Culture
Talking About Birthparents
What Adoptees Want Parents to Know
Culture Shock
Family Culture
It’s the Little Things…
Retaining Your Child’s Culture
Dealing With Racism
9 The Core Issues
Loss
Rejection
Shame
Grief
Identity
Intimacy
Control
Is Professional Help Needed?
10 Language and School
Language
ESL (English as a Second Language)
School Choice
What Grade?
IEPs (Individualized Education Programs)
School and Adoption Issues
Great Expectations
11 An “Alphabet Soup” of Diagnoses
Reactive Attachment Disorder
Attention Deficit Disorder
Sexual Abuse
Eating Disorders
Sensory Integration Disorder
Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Bipolar Disorder
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Medication and Hospitalization
12 Medical References
Medical Exams on Arrival
Hepatitis
AIDS
Tuberculosis
Inherited Diseases
Parasitic Infections
Nutritional Problems
Early Puberty
Determining your Child’s Age
In Closing
(families sum up their adoption experiences)
